I have not done a post in awhile because right after the first of the year I picked up a good number of clients through my work as a provider of Employee Assistance Counseling and really have been busy. The sluggish economy has trapped a good number of people in situations they have had to endure and the stress level has gone through the roof.
What is apparent with some of the people I see is that this is a fertile hunting ground for
what could be described as "the difficult boss." Most of us at some point in our working lives will encounter this person. They are controlling and some are down right abusive. They seem to take pleasure in lowering your self esteem or making you live in constant fear. The fear centers around the fact that a supervisor has control over one of your most basic needs - the ability to pay your bills and put food on the table.
And so, I decided to post on some of the things you can do to deal with the difficult boss. But, before I do I also want to encourage you to take advantage of opportunities to learn a new skill or process. I know someone on a personal level who is trapped under an abusive boss but over the years when he could have increased his skill level just sat there and refused to learn anything new. He now has very little to put on a resume or even encourage a transfer within the company because he knows only one thing. And this is what the difficult boss trades on, you seeing yourself as a victim and having very little backup to attract another employer.
Tactic #1 Try not to react with emotion to harsh criticism
Sometimes it may take all your strength to not yell back that this is unfair or become excited but this can prove counter productive as it may cause a test of egos and difficult bosses have monumental egos and a lot more leverage than you. Try to dissociate yourself from your anger or take a deep breath and become numb to their behavior. I know it sounds like a weak response but it is a powerful tactic in that it robs the abuser of the very thing he wants which is a reaction.
Tactic #2 Take a proactive stanceApproach him/her in a friendly manner and ask for detail instructions on how they want things done. It gives them the impression that you have submitted and on an informal basis establishes the rules of the game. What they come up with may be overwhelming but at least you are now clear on what the requirements are.
Tactic #3 Gather the support of othersIf there are supportive people you can turn to by all means do! I say that because one of the main results of dealing with a difficult boss is that it undermines your confidence and self esteem. It is reassuring to have someone to confide in to refute the poison attacks coming your way. Your support system can serve to boost your confidence and let you know it is not you but your situation, which is very important. They are also a good resource for information on how they may have handled a similar situation in the past.
Tactic #4 Manage the manager 
Everyone likes a pat on the back for good behavior and so does the difficult boss. Do what the animal trainers do and ignore bad behavior and reward the good. If you have watched any of those dog training shows, the first thing the trainer does is give the dog a treat when it has performed the trick. This may establish positive associations about you in the mind of the difficult boss. Another effective approach is "
mirroring": Smile or frown as they do or even assume a similar body position when they are speaking. Because people usually accept their mirror image with ease, mirroring the person speaking generally makes them feel more relaxed allowing them to open up. Try not to be too obvious about it but it does work.
The difficult boss is just that difficult and generally is something to be endured until you are able to apply for another situation or move within the company. But, I cannot over emphasis developing your skill-set in as many ways as possible... it gives you more options for movement.
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